Confrontation
Rabid Rant
On our way home from a somewhat contentious book club meeting, my good friend Colleen accused me of avoiding confrontation. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it.
But, after a little urging, I explained: In my experience, confrontation is like that old football adage about passing the ball — three things can happen and two of them are bad.
When I confront someone, I know guilt or rejection or punishment will be an invariable result and I know these outcomes will leave gaping holes in my heart and just the anticipation of those holes will induce heartburn nausea or acid reflux all of which will distract me from focusing fully on the confrontation effort which will severely reduce my odds of prevailing and if I don’t have a reasonable chance of prevailing there’s no point in confronting!
Anyone can understand that, right?
Wise Ask: What don’t you want to talk about?
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CATEGORY DEFINITIONS:
Re-Recollection: A brief, occasionally edited recounting of an event or situation.
Rude Awakening: A short piece of writing describing a sudden awareness or discovery that causes a change in perception.
Rabid Rant: A brief diatribe on a single topic, often characterized by strong and passionate language.
Can we repeat this wisdom a million times!!?!!
“…three things can happen and two of them are bad.
When I confront someone, I know guilt or rejection or punishment will be an invariable result and I know these outcomes will leave gaping holes in my heart and just the anticipation of those holes will induce heartburn nausea or acid reflux all of which will distract me from focusing fully on the confrontation effort which will severely reduce my odds of prevailing and if I don’t have a reasonable chance of prevailing there’s no point in confronting!”
I’ve believed, in my leadership consulting work, and in my personal life, feedback is overrated. Once you give “constructive” feedback, you have threatened, distanced, annoyed, and alienated the one who you are trying to change or “fix”(Who ever actually considers confrontational, critical, judgmental feedback constructive!?!? That’s insane…)
No one wants to be fixed. Especially if the rationale for fixing them is based upon my subjective view of them. Few are ever ready to receive such a confrontational way of engaging. Nor are they at all motivated to act upon the information you offer, make a change, and do something constructive, because of the confrontation we bring to them…
Negative feedback, and confrontation, create stories that can only end badly.
Save that energy for walking away from irreconcilable differences, and preserve that emotional/mental energy instead for engaging constructively with others who are ready for an easier, more positive way of being in relationship. If being in relationship with another is too damn hard, then realize it’s too damn hard. Walk away and go where the relationships are easy and effortless.
As a former friend of Linda & mine used to say, “It’s not that life is too SHORT to be in bad relationships. Chances are for most of us, life is too damned LONG to live with such suffering.”
Say bye-bye to suffering, Say hello to JOY!
I find that turning the other cheek or telling the truth brings the equal amount of heartburn. But I agree with Ron that often the other person doesn’t want to hear your opinions. My neighbor of thirty years loves to plaster her front lawn with preachy or political signs. It has never convinced me of anything except that they are irritating
Love from your Lib-tard friend!