Guilty While Innocent

If my children accused me of assassinating JFK, I wouldn’t deny it. In fact, my initial response would probably be to call a criminal defense attorney.

Of course, I could argue with them. Of course, I could point out that they couldn’t possibly have perfect recall of an event that occurred before they were born. I could, at the very least, mention Lee Harvey Oswald. But I wouldn’t. Why? Because I grew up believing everyone else was a better judge of my character and intentions than I was, particularly if they were in positions of authority. You know, like a teacher, a neighbor or the crossing guard.

And the older I got, the worse it became, as my kids also took on positions of authority in my head. Why? Because I’m pathologically insecure about my parenting. Because there are so many factors that affect memory accuracy. Because there are so many reasons why memories can differ.

Her memory: “Mom missed the soccer game where I scored my first goal.”

My memory: I was there, but ran to the car to get the orange slices out of the cooler at the exact moment she executed a perfectly placed instep drive, curving the ball around the goalkeeper and into the net.

Even then, I didn’t defend myself. Why? Because my kids almost always have corroboration. Those little terrorists were calling each other as witnesses to my misdeeds before the youngest could speak in complete sentences. Even today, when one of them reminds me of some offense I don’t remember, there’s a second sibling waiting to endorse the first one’s testimony. I’m pretty sure they could convince me I hadn’t been present at their births.

Wise Ask: What crimes don’t you remember committing?
Share your answer below.