When Did I Become Too Old for Men My Age?
Rabid Rant
When my lover Ray informed me that he needed to find a younger woman, we were both 72.
“Well, you’d better start looking right now,” I bellowed, “because pretty soon all the younger women will be 80!” Not exactly a measured response, but I left feeling smug.
Returning home early and surly, I stood naked in front of my life-size illuminated mirror, gazed at the superb specimen of my insecure sex and age and tried to fathom what I had done wrong. Clearly, I had occasionally overlooked an errant chin hair, I should probably have worn more turtlenecks, and my originally dark auburn pubic hair had turned a cheerless shade of gun-metal grey.
Following this hasty and humiliating self-assessment, I sought solace in the reliable therapeutic practice of disparaging the disparager. Who does he think he is? He’s short, he’s bow-legged enough to be in the circus, he has a huge beer belly, fake front teeth and a beard that’s probably covering a weak chin! Wow, that felt good. But not good enough. So, reaching deep into my psyche, I rummaged around in the remnants of my self esteem trying to retrieve some semblance of dignity, only to drop to the floor in spineless degradation wailing, “I’m 72 years old, for God’s sake!”
Clearly this wasn’t new news. In fact, my grandson had reminded me of it not long after, when he proudly announced, “I’m four, Grammy. How many are you?” So, I told him. His response? “Wow, that’s a really big number.” At that point, to my everlasting shame, I shouted, “Well, Ray is that number too!”
The good news is that the startled, confused look on his angelic face propelled me back to sanity and to a new and revealing self-assessment:
- Do I really believe I’m not worthy of a minimally endowed, bow-legged, pot-bellied, weak chinned 72-year-old man’s attention or commitment?
- Do my achievements and prowess in living and loving count for nothing?
- Am I so insecure that a sweet 4-year-old can provoke me to engage in petty recriminations?
- Should I color my pubic hair?
Wise Ask: Have you ever said, “That didn’t hurt”, when it did?
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CATEGORY DEFINITIONS:
Re-Recollection: A brief, occasionally edited recounting of an event or situation.
Rude Awakening: A short piece of writing describing a sudden awareness or discovery that causes a change in perception.
Rabid Rant: A brief diatribe on a single topic, often characterized by strong and passionate language.
It begins when the young man bagging your groceries says,”Do you need help to your car?”But then you reach 80 and your husband of 54 years tells his therapist that it really doesn’t matter at all if the new medication has certain unwanted side effects ! You decide to go back to hit on the bag boy.
You really need to write your own blog. It would be a hit.
1. “Do I really believe I’m not worthy of a minimally endowed, bow-legged, pot-bellied, weak-chinned 72-year-old man’s attention or commitment?”
Of course you’re worthy. The real question is: why are you even auditioning for the discount bin? If his greatest asset is “still breathing,” you’re negotiating from a position of catastrophic generosity. Actually, you’re worthy of so much more. Perhaps its time you landed a younger man. You can have very specific criteria that does not include bow-legged & pot bellied. Or maybe the emotional & intellectual attraction is far more important than the physical features. Although it certainly doesn’t hurt to have it all wrapped up in one – the good looks, charisma, intellect, emotional intelligence & availability for commitment, sense of humor and money. He’s out there somewhere!
2. “Do my achievements and prowess in living and loving count for nothing?”
Oh, they absolutely count — they just don’t count to the exact demographic of men who think “emotional intelligence” is a type of car fuel and believe commitment is what they have to the Early Bird Special at Denny’s.
3. “Am I so insecure that a sweet 4-year-old can provoke me to engage in petty recriminations?”
Children possess a psychic gift: they can expose every adult insecurity with a single sticky-fingered observation. If a toddler calls you out, it hurts — because they’re not wrong, and worse, they’re not even trying.
4. “Should I color my pubic hair?”
Only if you feel your genitals deserve the same level of glamour as a mid-2000s pop star. Otherwise, let nature do her thing. Anyone venturing south should just be grateful for the invitation, not critiquing the color palette.
Lastly, I’ve convinced myself an obscene amount of times my feelings certainly were not hurt. After all, any mild criticism seemed like a natural disaster. It was necessary to mask the deep hurt & quickly bury it. My ego needed some bubble wrap around it for temporary protection. It became a critical survival skill that I continue to draw upon even to this day. As I’ve gotten older, protecting my peace takes priority.
Love the way you think!!