I Think I’d Do OK In Prison

Maybe not great. I might not recommend it as a substitute for retirement on a cruise ship, but the older I get, the more it looks like a pretty practical, affordable form of long-term care.

The daily prison activities I envision — sleeping alone in a locked room, wearing the same outfit every day, participating in monitored and limited visiting hours — do have a certain appeal. Plus, I’m really good at internal dialogue, I’m so over dinner parties, and the idea of occasional solitary confinement is almost as tempting as a second martini. I’ve even imagined how I would curate my living space to make it uniquely mine. So yeah, I think I’d adapt.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not romanticizing incarceration, I’m just not blind to its value as a metaphor. I know it has drawbacks, but it might actually take some of the pressure off. My morning toilette would probably be less involved — eyebrows and a little Chapstick. I don’t think I’d feel the same need to compete in prison. I’d complete my assigned duties with energy and engagement, but I wouldn’t feel compelled to be a model prisoner — though, given my upbringing, I’d probably be among the top three.

Wise Ask: Are you a model prisoner?
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